At the Back of the North Wind

Wow! It has been 2 years since I ventured here. Maybe I will be able to recapture some of the memories as I blog anew. I will share what prompted me to start again. We heard that Focus on the Family was coming out with a new radio drama, At the Back of the North Wind by George MacDonald. I found a rather tattered copy on one of my bookshelves and we decided to read it as a family this summer.

I just finished reading it today (I say "I" as the rest of the family lost interest) and I cried over the ending. It causes me to think of my dear friend, Jacque, who passed away just 7 short months ago. What a wonderful analogy about death George MacDonald gives in this book. He makes it somehow sweeter.

I have read several of MacDonald's Christian fiction but this was only the second of his "fairy tales" that I have read. I really enjoy his allegories and analogies to Christianity and living throughout his books. I dog-ear many pages and underline many lines as I find words that speak to me. Here is a passage from At the Back of the North Wind ...

The main character, Diamond, was ill and when he realized that he had been a burden to his parents who had also lost their comfortable situation in life while he was sick, sets to trying to cheer them and help them in anyway possible. Here is an excerpt from the book: "(His mother) was looking gloomy, and his father silent; and indeed except Diamond had done all he possibly could to keep out the misery that was trying to get in at doors and windows, he too would have grown miserable, and then they would have been all miserable together. But to try to make others comfortable is the only way to get right comfortable ourselves, and that comes partly of not being able to think so much about ourselves when we are helping other people. For our Selves will always do pretty well if we don't pay them too much attention."

After finishing this book, I decided to find a list of MacDonald's works and try to begin to read through them. I will be using the "Partial List of Works" that I found on Wikipedia, unless I find something better. My next literary stop will be "Within and Without" which I found on Google eBooks.

Our family prayer journal

I had a few comments on Facebook about our family prayer journal, so I thought I would share the details with you. It has filled 2 needs for us...first, how to begin praying on a daily basis for all of our family and friends. This is an area where I struggled in consistency and I really wanted to set forth a good example for my children. Also, what to do with those beautiful pictures that we receive at Christmas? We used to put them on our refrigerator but we were running out of room.

This fall I came across a Mead Primary Journal in the clearance aisle at our local Wal-Mart. It is a composition book with a 1/3 of the page blank for the child to draw a picture. I have had it sitting on my shelf for a special use and I found one!! I use the unlined area to mount the pictures or prayer cards. And in the space below I have written the name, family members and any prayer needs I know of.

I have designated 3 pages for each day (6 pages front & back). The first page is for family members. I have included parents, siblings, aunts & uncles and any cousins we have kept in touch with. This adds up to quite a few in our family: my Dad has 6 brothers and sisters alone!

Next, we have civil and governmental leaders. Some we included are U.S. President, V.President, U.S Rep, U.S. Senator, State Rep. State Senator, Sheriff, police men, firemen, IA Family Policy Center, NICHE (our State homeschool group), etc. Because of the past election we have become more involved with our local political party and have been able to meet face-to-face many of our leaders. I look forward to the day when one of the boys walk up to one of them and shake their hand and tell them they have been praying for them. If you do not know the names of some of your leaders, please begin to do so. We need to be watchful and in prayer for our nation. When I ran out of names I began adding those who we rub shoulders with each day: our mail man, our vendors and salesman for our business, the librarians, the "box lady" (We have a center we take our boxes to for recycling. I have made a point to get to know Rhonda who works there so we can witness to her. The boys even sang to her at Christmas.)

On the third page of each day are our church families. We have a smaller church so we can cover all our families in 1 month. The fourth page is for friends. This is where a lot of the Christmas pictures went. :) I always felt badly when I started receiving Christmas cards and realized I hadn't kept in touch throughout the year. Now we can keep the friends fresh in our minds each month. I may also find the time to drop them an e-mail or card near the day we pray for them.

And on the fifth page are missionaries. Their prayer cards get mounted on the top of the page and their current prayer requests are written below. We have 3 families we have chosen to begin praying for that are not a part of our church list and the rest are missionaries from our church. My goal is to write those for whom I do not have prayer cards and request them so that we can begin to put more faces to names. Perhaps I may help the boys to find pen pals from these families too.

We still may tweak our system a bit. Sometimes I wonder if I have too many on our list? But then we have 5 boys, so each of us takes one page with some getting prayed for twice. It has been encouraging to hear our little ones pray. They used to get stuck praying the same words over again and over again, now they hear a name or see a face they know and are anxious to pray for them. I would also like to bring some of the needs before God on a more daily basis. This will hopefully happen in my own prayer time, which still needs some work of its own. I would welcome your suggestions on that.

'I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers," Philemon 1:4

Happy Birthday, my son James

I wonder…
Was your first hug from Jesus?
Was the first light that you saw from His face?
I wonder…
Did your little hands clasp His firmly?
In His arms, did your little body find a place?

I wonder…
Did you feel God’s sadness
As He saw how your parents wept for you?
I wonder…
Did He whisper of your purpose
And you knew of His love so good and true?

I wonder…
Who will see your first smile?
Or who will teach you how to walk?
I wonder…
Will an angel sing to you
And be the first to hear you talk?

I thank God…
For the precious treasure that you are.
May God hold you closely and let you know
That we love you from afar.

It was 4 years ago this weekend that I passed through the dark valley of losing a baby. I remember feeling like I would never be "normal" again, that I would always be sad.

Our baby was due May 20th, 2005. I was using a lay midwife for the first time and I was very excited about the possibility of our first homebirth. Over Christmas weekend I began to feel like something was not right. I no longer felt like I was gaining weight and the little tugging feeling of life inside me was gone. We didn't get to the midwife's until after New Year's because of sickness. On Friday, January 7th, we saw the midwife and she could not find a heart beat. After a ultrasound at the hospital on Monday, it was confirmed that the soul of our little one was with the Lord though his body was still with us. Because I had not begun to miscarry on my own and the risk of infection was great, my midwife recommended that we follow the hospital's advice of either a D&C or induced delivery.

I chose to deliver the body as naturally as possible. We went back to the hospital the next day, January 11th. It was a long day. They began the induction process with a special medication. We passed the time by watching movies, until I became too uncomfortable. We delivered James' little body around 3:00 that afternoon. I left the hospital with empty arms.

Our family, church family, and friends were so wonderful. They brought meals, watched our 4 boys and just listened when needed. We buried his little body in nearby Rochester Cemetery, a special place as it is the last natural prairie cemetery in IA.

Four years later, the pain is still there but the edge is gone. I like to pull out the ultrasound picture, the cards, and my journal from that weekend and remember each year. The tears do still come but the sadness is not as strong. I am so thankful that my little boy is with Jesus and "I shall go to him, (though) he shall not return to me." 2 Samuel 12:23

For anyone out there who has experienced miscarriage, still birth, or death of an infant. My heart goes out to you. I can understand a little of your pain. Please let others help you and don't be afraid to talk about it. Sometimes others will not know that you need to talk, even years later. Finally, cling to the One who is in control of everything. We won't understand why our little ones were taken from us on this side of heaven but someday we will.

Waiting on God

I want to dedicate this post to my wonderful husband, Jon. He has been struggling with back pain for over 2 years now. He had back surgery Tuesday, Dec. 23rd. And we are waiting to see if the back pain is gone. Right now he is experiencing pain from the incision itself and that is masking any good feeling that he might be having from the herniation being gone. It has been a long week since the surgery, wondering if there will be relief. Jon owns his own auto repair business and provides for his family with the strength of his hands and body.

Some days it is really hard to wait on God. I know in my head that He is in control but my heart doesn't agree. Sometimes the "silence", the waiting, becomes unbearable. As our boys and I drove into work this morning (at the shop) we prayed for Jon that he would soon experience relief. Also, this song came to me. I wanted to post the lyrics and dedicate them to Jon. I love you.

The Silence of God by Andrew Peterson


It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God

And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone

And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God